“1. Set the standard.
Tell the truth.
Build trust.
Be a serial encourager.
Hold them accountable.
Catch them when they fall.
Remember #4
Validate their growth.
Give them the credit.
Love them hard.
Making a difference is simple, just not easy.”
-Ray Zingler on X
1) Making a difference starts with you. You must hold yourself to the highest standard and then be lenient with everybody else. They must tangibly see you living the code. Kids aren’t dumb, they know if you’re about it or not.
2) Tell the truth about the big things and about the little things. There is no easier way to jeopardize any relationship than by being dishonest. Tell it straight. Transparency wins.
3) Telling the truth is the bedrock of any relationship, but that only lays the groundwork, you must actively build the trust to enhance the relationship. The easiest way to go about it? Go above and beyond doing what you’d say you’d do, all the time.
4) Be a serial encourager. I mean be absolutely relentless with encouragement. Do you know how many kids simply need a little bit of positive reinforcement and affirmation? You have no idea how many of them get little to none of it at home and within their sports. Go out of your way to make them feel like a million bucks.
5) After you’ve set (and continue to build on) the standard, prioritized building trust, and have serially encouraged, then and only then can you authentically “hold them accountable”. Do you want to know why every tough guy “hard” coach struggles to get “buy in”? They’ve underprioritized or, hell, completely ignored #1-4.
6) Kids are going to mess up. They are going to dumb things. You can berate them if you want, or you can recognize you too, at one point, were a dumbass and level with them. The value is only in what they can learn from their mistakes. Give them the grace they deserve.
7) Yeah, #4 is the secret sauce. It merits being acknowledged 1,000 times over, but because of a character count, I’ll only hit it twice.
8) If they grow, and they will if you do it right, make sure they know that you know. Validate the hell out of them.
9) It doesn’t matter how much you’ve helped them. That’s your job. That’s the purpose of life. Give them the credit.
10) Love them hard. No further explanation needed.
Making a difference is crazy simple.
It’s just not easy.